Law School

Four Letters: Pibb, Cute, and Then Some

I’m busy. And apparently competent. To stand for sandbagging, as my fabulous professor put it.

2L Bites. Hard. I didn’t know this. So I’ll tell you something you don’t want to hear: I don’t think in sentences that don’t include four-letter-words any more. Sometimes that’s the only part of the sentence I get out. I believe how I put it was: Law school has simultaneously expanded my vocabulary and reduced it to a series of four letter words.

I go days without doing anything but sitting in front of a computer. I go weekends without responding to emails and saying anything more than “Go. away.” to people. I want to see “Paranormal Activity,” “Where the Wild Things Are,” and I can not miss whatever the second “Twilight” movie is, but until they start playing these movies at 1:00 A.M. downtown, I’m out. I no longer want to read. I never thought this possible. (I also never thought I’d fondly remember 1L and long for the good old days.) I am interested in books the way I’m interested in art and music that I no longer get to look at or listen to. What a lovely idea. I do get out, though. Because I now understand why we drink.

Because, not unlike right now, my head’s gonna explode. Because I should not be doing this, but should be writing a direct exam, two closing arguments, and the rough draft of a note. However, if you’d seen the various other ways I’ve blown a perfectly good “working” morning, you’d wonder why I wasn’t updating the blog on 2L. So, a few notes for the memories –

My videos are getting better for whatever _that’s_ worth…

I taught myself a while back to forego “ums” when speaking professionally by popping my wrist with a rubber band. Low-rent but effective. I’m going to have to start doing that and like, now, to stop the “Shellie Stephen-zzzz, for the Defen-zzzz.”

(This particular video is an opening statement. The class is pass/fail and I finally realized I was spending too much time on this class. I want the skillz, but I must prioritize. Fifteen people in this class. A bazillion at Trial Team competition in a few weeks. (That just made me physically ill.))

Speaking of “like, now,” my latest review from the head coach on Trial Team practice: “You said “totally not troubling” – my goodness! You might as well have said ‘like totally not troubling’”. I laughed out loud.

And speaking of laughing out loud, at a recent Trial Team practice (10-25-09), I videoed my partner, Eric, and myself but they are thirty minutes long (no sound) and these .movs will not import into iMovie so I can cut them and make a perfectly hilarious montage with music or sound effects. The first few minutes of “Mime Trial Team” has me in highly animated form, talking to the team about something very important, I’ve no doubt, then flipping my head over and pumping my hair for my performance. It’s all about what matters. (Edited: this is now edited and on youtube; url edited above. Still sans sound.)

I’ve got thoughts on Learning Sneaky Lawyer Tricks and How I Now Love Them and Use Them Mercilessly, How I Talk to Everyone in Cross-Examination Form, and Becoming So Liberal You Should Put Me On House Arrest Now Because For the Love of Cthulhu We Do Not Kill People On My Watch.

It’s only by the grace of Pibb Extra and the woman who assures me my paranoid ideation is cute that I’m getting by these days. Srsly.


  • Shellie

    Too funny – and thank you.

    I can’t recall if I’ve blogged this or not, but at Trial Team we have Coach and Amy, our drama coach (she was the stepmom in “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure) – one day I overhear my name.

    Coach: “Yeah, we’re talkin’ about you. That accent? Can you control it?”

    Uh. Maybe.

    But some people like it. The big guy on our team says he likes it and because it’s different he thinks people will pay more attention – keep the jury awake. I’m just trying to control the ridiculousness when I’m nervous right now.

    Well, since I’ve clearly blown the whole freaking night messing around, returning clothing and jewelry I ordered recently while similarly procrastinating, eating caramel apple candy corn and uh, doing nothing super-productive … I’m gonna have to update my blog with some vids I just, yes, edited.

    I’m thinking… so what about that drunken text I got the other night “I think you’re overbearing…” blah blah. And I read your comments and think “I AM overbearing and I can prove it!” Laughing. (I just wrote my cross-exam tonight and I bet tomorrow eve I try and eat my witness, thinking “Magnolia thinks I’m wimpy!” Evil grin.)

    Well. You made me smile. And I think they would totally love 🙂 to have a 53 year old broad. Take the LSAT. You only live once. Mean it. Swear to Vishnu.

  • Magnolia

    You’re much more intimidating in print. 🙂

    I almost laughed out loud when I heard your southern drawl. It almost makes you diminutive. NOTHING how I’ve envisioned your voice.

    But then, Nancy Grace has a serious southern drawl and scares the hell out of me….so what do I know?

    Congrats on your success and progress in law school. If they would take an aging middle-aged 53 year old broad seriously I would beat my way to LSU law school.